Goodbye, 2025! It’s been a real rollercoaster ride, and frankly, it wasn’t a joyride for most of us.
This past year can be likened to a bear unleashed in a supermarket’s honey aisle—chaotic and overwhelming.
Declassified
December 26, 2025, 8:30 AM CET
Welcome to our special year-end edition of Declassified, where we take a humorous look back at the whirlwind that was 2025.
Thanks for nothing, 2025! This year felt like a raging dumpster fire, leaving many of us longing to be in the shoes of astronauts Suni Williams or Butch Wilmore. These two brave souls were originally scheduled for a ten-day mission in space but ended up orbiting Earth for nearly ten months, returning just this March. They managed to dodge about three months of the chaos back home. "Welcome back, guys! The good news is you’re safe; the bad news? Kamala Harris didn’t win the election!"
Of course, Donald Trump emerged victorious in the election and dominated headlines like a bear at a buffet. He imposed hastily conceived tariffs on everything imaginable—even uninhabited islands near Antarctica. His relationship with Elon Musk soured dramatically, reminiscent of a modern-day Icarus flying too close to the fiery sun.
In Europe, it’s been quite the peculiar year as well. Germany saw a change in leadership from the charismatic Olaf Scholz to Friedrich Merz, who often looks as if he’s just lost a parking spot he desperately wanted, despite having waited patiently. France and Italy switched roles, with Italy becoming an image of stability while France descended into a beautifully chaotic scenario where so many individuals cycled through the prime ministerial position that, at the time of writing, Eric Cantona holds the title.
Over in Brussels, Ursula von der Leyen's popularity has plummeted—she's been less favored than invasive surgery, surviving not one but three no-confidence votes in the European Parliament. It seems this body has shifted so far right that it's teetering on the brink of collapse.
However, amidst all this turmoil, there have been a few bright spots. The new pope appears to be a positive force, offering a refreshing break from the recent cycle of good and bad popes. Meanwhile, António Costa has stepped up his game as President of the European Council, managing to do a considerably better job than his predecessor, Charles Michel. Given how low the bar was set, even a discarded sandwich wrapper could have surpassed Michel's performance. Still, we’ll take the small victories wherever we can find them.
As we look ahead to 2026, let’s hope it doesn’t continue on this downward spiral—because honestly, it surely can’t get worse, right?
QUOTE OF THE YEAR: "It’s a troubling sign for the majorities in Europe, and it’s concerning for the fight against climate change,” said Terry Reintke, co-leader of the Greens group, expressing discontent over the EU’s conservatives joining forces with far-right factions in the European Parliament.
Who’s Been Up:
In a surprising twist that mixes politics with pop culture, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and pop sensation Katy Perry are officially dating. Yes, you heard that right! Sometimes, all it takes for a power couple to emerge is a cringe-worthy space tourism stunt paired with a scandal-filled resignation. There’s hope for love everywhere, folks!
The Survivor: Ursula von der Leyen has proven to be quite resilient this year, surviving three separate no-confidence motions. Despite facing challenges from both far-right and far-left parties, it seems her opponents are united by their dislike for her rather than any ideological differences. Who says society is hopelessly divided?
Who’s Been Down:
Remember when the United States and the EU enjoyed a friendly relationship? Vice President JD Vance certainly doesn’t. At the Munich Security Conference, he criticized European democracies, claiming their biggest threat isn’t Russia but their internal culture wars. With allies like that, who needs enemies?
Royal Titles: The Duke of York, known as Prince Andrew, has officially lost his title. He will now go by Andrew Mountbatten Windsor—a punishment enough for a middle name! Additionally, his brother King Charles has slashed his public funding. If Mountbatten ever finds himself in need of work, perhaps a job at Pizza Express awaits.
Backhanded Award for Outstanding Use of Political Chaos in a Democracy:
What a tumultuous year it has been for Marine Le Pen and the political landscape in France, giving Italy a rare respite from being Europe's poster child for chaos. Following an EU Parliament scandal involving fake jobs, Le Pen has been barred from running for office for five years, which should ideally eliminate her from consideration in the 2027 presidential race—assuming democracies still function by then. Yet, Marine is far from a quitter, especially with her eager ally Barbie Bardella ready to step in. All she needs is for the public to get distracted by new scandals, allowing her to plot her return quietly.
Enter President Emmanuel Macron, who has cycled through prime ministers faster than Samantha Jones changed boyfriends, seemingly clueless that he might be the problem. Perhaps it is finally time for a woman to take the helm in France to bring some much-needed stability—just look at Italy and its decidedly non-neo-fascist government for inspiration.
Oh, how the tables have turned!
CAPTION COMPETITION OF THE YEAR:
"He’s coming! Quick, be a statue."
by Willem Callens
So, what do you think? Is 2026 destined to be a better year, or are we just setting ourselves up for more surprises? Let’s discuss!
